The White Way Tango
by Chantal
Summary: A parody of Chicago's 'Cell Block Tango' starring 6 of Broadway's most infamous killer characters. Enjoy!


Note: Much as I adore these characters, I don't own any of them. Not a single one, get it? K. Just thought I'd let you know! :)  
  
This Parody is based on the song called 'Cell Block Tango' from the show Chicago. The original song belongs to the people who wrote it. Enjoy! - Chantal  
  
White Way Tango:  
  
ANNOUNCER: And now, the six celebrated slayers of Broadway in their rendition of the "White Way Tango!"  
  
ROXIE: Bang!  
  
SWEENY: Shave?  
  
HYDE: Dream  
  
NORMA: Of course  
  
PHANTOM: Angel  
  
SEYMOUR: Audrey  
  
ROXIE: Bang!  
  
SWEENY: Shave?  
  
HYDE: Dream  
  
NORMA: Of course  
  
PHANTOM: Angel  
  
SEYMOUR: Audrey  
  
(Repeat all above)  
  
ALL: They had it coming  
They had it coming  
It was time for their last 'adieu'  
If you had been us  
If you had known them  
  
PHANTOM: I'm sure that you would have killed them too!  
  
ROXIE: I had a husband, really sweet guy, named Amos Hart. He was awfully devoted to me and all, but sometimes, you know, a girl just wants to try something new. Hey, I gotta have some fun while Amos is out workin' fourteen hours at the garage all day. Well, my funny honey was so trusting and such that he didn't even notice when I tried Fred Casely, the furniture salesman. Things got a little rough when Freddy decided he was gonna leave me, though. How's that for loyalty? As he was walkin' out, BANG! I stopped him - dead in his tracks!  
  
ALL: He had it coming  
He had it coming  
It was time for his last 'adieu'  
If you had been us  
If you had known him  
I'm sure that you would have killed him too!  
  
SWEENY: My real name was Benjamin Barker. I had a good thing going on, a successful barbershop, loving wife and daughter, until that cursed Judge got in the way. Set me up and sent me to Australia for years...as a convict! When I came home...my family had disappeared, and guess who was to blame? Well, I fixed a plan with my friend, Mrs. Lovett. I would practice my slicing...er...shaving skills on my customers, and she would deal with them when I was finished. After all, everyone loves Mrs. Lovett's meat pies! So one day, who should walk into my shop but the Judge himself! He wanted a shave; so I gave it to him!  
  
ALL: They had it coming  
They had it coming  
It was time for their last 'adieu'  
If you had been us  
If you had known them  
I'm sure that you would have killed them too!  
  
JEKYLL: I had a dream once, a vision in which I could change forever mankind and destroy evil.  
HYDE: But that didn't go exactly as you planned, did it? Instead you created evil, me!   
JEKYLL: I tried to stop him, tried to control him, but I could not. Insanity gripped me...  
HYDE: And I enjoyed every moment. The best part? Revenge! Ah yes....those people who scorned the good doctor paid for it with their lives in the end... the Bishop, Lord Archie...  
JEKYLL: ...and yes...even Lucy....  
HYDE: Hahah! They all deserved to die!   
  
ALL: They had it coming  
They had it coming  
It was time for their last 'adieu'  
If you had been us  
If you had known them  
I'm sure that you would have killed them too!  
  
NORMA: When sound was introduced to the silver screen I faded away, into black, as it were. No one wanted me. I only had my butler, Max, and my precious chimpanzee. Well, then I met Joe Gilles. Wonderful boy, really! He actually seemed to care for me, and I gave him everything! A new wardrobe, money,...and love. He was a man after my own heart. Unfortunately, a second-rate director's assistant named Betty Shaffer was after his. She was young, pretty, all the things I wasn't anymore. Then Joe started to drift from me. Finally my revolver and I had a talk with him, because no one ever leaves a star! They found him facedown in the pool the next morning...  
  
HYDE: Yes, but did you kill him?  
  
NORMA: Well of course I did!  
  
PHANTOM: For years I lurked beneath the Paris Opera causing all kinds of mayhem, frightening the ballet, extorting money from the management, cutting down scenery. Well, one day I saw her, Christine Daae, and I knew what I had been seeking all my life; love. I became the Angel of Music to her, though I daresay that few angels killed as I did. Joseph Buquet was a foolish stagehand who spread tales about my face. And that fat Spanish excuse for a lead tenor, Signor Ubaldo Piangi, really didn't deserve to live for mangling my great music as he did. Let's just say that I had reached the end of my rope...and so did they!  
  
PHANTOM: They had it coming   
OTHERS: They had it coming   
PHANTOM: They had it coming   
OTHERS: They had it coming  
PHANTOM: They should have never drawn a breath!  
OTHERS: Their blunders made us want to kill!   
PHANTOM: I don't regret it  
OTHERS: Caused us to hate them,  
PHANTOM: In fact, I loved it  
OTHERS: Assassinate them!  
PHANTOM: When I delivered each one to Death!  
OTHERS: It was murder, but what a thrill!  
  
SEYMOUR: I used to work in this old flower shop with my boss and a nice girl named Audrey. She had a boyfriend, a macho dentist, who rode around on a motorcycle and beat her up sometimes. Well, I knew Audrey deserved better than that, and I kinda liked her myself. My chance to save Audrey from that moron came when I bought this carnivorous plant from an old Chinese man. You know, funny thing about this plant.... it was hungry all the time! People kept mysteriously disappearing. After all, I had to keep my beloved Audrey II healthy. So, the dentist became plant food, and Audrey...the girl, not the plant, was free!  
  
ALL: The lousy scum, scum, scum, scum, scum!  
The lousy scum, scum, scum, scum, scum!  
  
ALL: They had it coming  
They had it coming  
Their blunders made us want to kill!  
Caused us to hate them,  
Assassinate them!  
It was murder, but what a thrill!  
  
PHANTOM, HYDE, NORMA and SWEENY, ROXIE, SEYMOUR: They had it coming  
They had it coming  
It was time for their last 'adieu'  
If you had been us  
If you had known them  
I'm sure that you would have killed them too!  
  
ROXIE: Dead in his tracks!  
  
SWEENEY: So I gave it to him!  
  
HYDE: You created evil!  
  
NORMA: No one leaves a star!  
  
PHANTOM: The end of my rope!  
  
SEYMOUR: Plant food!  
  
ALL: I'm sure that you would have killed them too! 


End file.
